What’s your standard

Serving through sex (Part 2 – Serving is not submission)

serving through sex

First of all, my apologies to those following this series. My delay in posting is because I’m having a difficult time keyboarding. I’ve completely damaged the muscles in my back – the one supporting the shoulders (trapezius) – and as a result am only able to type for about 10 mins at a time before they start to ache and then burn. Not only that, but my kitchen work has been seriously affected as well. I’m one of the those people who finds it very difficult to sit still … day after ….day, in order to recover; because this recovery must be done while I lay on my back (pun intended, sort of 😉 ) Anyway, all I can do at the moment is read. That’s it. No note taking and researching or writing.

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In Part 1 I explored the difference between the attitudes of have to have sex and want to have sex. When our mindset is “I have to have sex” we set ourselves up to serving the rules and the law: Being obligated. But when our mindset is “I want to have sex,” we can experience the same powerful transformation that Jesus demonstrated in the garden of Gethsemane: Our hearts will be changed through adapting to God’s plans.

The reason many of us have of a hard time wrapping our minds around this juxtaposition is because we try to reason in our flesh that we need to understand what God is asking of us before we do it. We wrestle with thoughts like:

  • “If it would just make sense then I could adapt.” Or,
  • “If I just knew how this was going to turn out.” Or,
  • “If I do this, how can I be sure that it will be fair?”

Or at the very least, we want to be assured that our spouse won’t take advantage of us in the slightest. It seems we want some kind of guarantee before stepping out in faith. In more lucid moments that are free of conflict, we know this is an oxymoron.

Yet, that is precisely what happened in the exchange between Jesus and God – from an earthly perspective, Jesus got the unfair shake:

But the fact is, it was our pains he carried – our disfigurements, all the things wrong with us. We thought he brought it on himself, that God was punishing him for his own failures. But it was our sins that did that to him, that ripped and tore and crushed him – our sins! –Isaiah 53

In Luke 22:42a, Jesus clearly expresses that execution is not His preferred course of action: please take this cup of suffering away from me. But then in the second part of the verse His change of heart is evident, Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.

 “YET” is the morph from head to heart!

The question we have to ask is how, how did Jesus make this mental shift? The answer: love. He placed His love for God so far above Himself that He was willing to do anything for Him, even to be executed. He demonstrated that love by trusting God. He didn’t need to understand God’s will to want it, He just knew that God is trustworthy and His ways are always excellent.

Love doesn’t say:

  • I will obey and serve with a grin & bear it type of attitude
  • I will obey and serve because it’s what is required & necessary or what I should do

What love does say is, I want to do whatever Your will is.

Serving is for one another not marriage

Service is what we give to others and it’s a great thing. In fact, we are told to serve our brothers and sisters with agape love. For you, brethren, were [indeed] called to freedom; only [do not let your] freedom be an incentive to your flesh and an opportunity or excuse [for selfishness], but through love you should serve one another.–Galatians 5:13

Even done willingly– it’s still a have to. But, when you’ve adapted your heart, your mind is completely renewed, but be transformed (changed) by the [entire] renewal of your mind [by its new ideas and its new attitude], (Romans 12:2).

Substituting the word served sexually in place of submitted sexually is an effort to equalize so that serving looks the same in all relationships. No more or less. All the same. But the truth is, all relationships are not the same, nor are they equal to each other.

Marriage is distinct and completely UNlike any other relationship. No other bond is referred to as a huge mystery, a living and visible demonstration of Christ and His Church. And no other relationship commences by a covenant with God Himself. Therefore, no other relationship carries the weight of glory that marriage does.

As such,

God requires much more from us in marriage

than any other relationship.

Submission is for her OWN

A wife is never told to serve her husband, but to submit to him. Replacing serve for the word submit is a mental twist so the heart doesn’t actually have to fully yield to the complete change at the deepest level of relating: becoming one flesh. The flesh seeks to hold onto even the smallest vestige of itself, while at the same time appearing to be altered.

The closeness of the marriage relationship presses in on each spouse in its own way, forcing* us to give way to the spirit over the flesh. The majority of this pressure comes from living in a dual relationship. With both of us being members of Christ’s body, this means that I have a brother in Christ that I am bound to because he is also my husband; I’m Darrell’s sister spiritually and at the same time his wife in the natural. Yes, I serve my brother in Christ, but it is equal to serving any of my brothers (and sisters) in Christ.

However, in marriage I submit to my own husband. In all of the references regarding submission in marriage God added the little word idios meaning own**, signifying that the submission to this particular brother is separate, different and unique to him alone.

Serving is an act – it doesn’t require change between one performance of obligation and the next. When we lump serving in marriage together with all other Christian serving we only blur the uniqueness of the one-flesh purpose between husband and wife and diminish the value of sex. Serving through sex is a method for a wife to compartmentalize the act itself. She will be able to have sex and at the same time not be fully engaged: only as much as she has to be.

God hasn’t defined exemptions for submission that depend on what area of marriage you are talking about. Submission in the bedroom is no different than submission in the kitchen or the living room, or any other area of the home that the marriage lives in.

When I trust that God’s ways are excellent I will adapt to His plan for marriage. The submission of my whole self in marriage will demonstrate to God that I am all in. Nothing will be held back. I won’t be stuck in the mindset of having to serve my brother through sex. Instead, my transformed heart will want to have sex with my husband.









*Forcing: Job 5:18; Psalm 51:8; Isaiah 60:10; Lamentations 3:32

**OWN: Ephesians 5:22; Colossians 3:18; Titus 2:5; 1 Peter 3:15.

Serving through sex (Part 1 – Adaptability)


I’ve heard a few times about the idea of ‘serving’ your husband through sex because it’s a need he has. I don’t like that view or the term ‘serving’ as it relates to sex and as the weeks rolled by, I saw it again and again. Every time I saw it, I liked it less and less. This term, serving in the context [of sex] has the slight nuance of obligation (see duty, onus, burden, and liability) to it.

My first feeling is, serving appears to be something you do for the benefit of someone else. In this context, its serve your husband sex for his benefit. And although that might seem right (Proverbs 14:12); somehow it rings false. I think this whole idea of a wife serving her husband sex is an approach that will backfire in the end.

So I want to peel back this idea and see what it exposes.

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When I let the word serving roll around in my mind, the first thing I’m faced with is a choice: have to OR want to; along with a whiff of resistance – it seems like serving could almost, be placating*.

*to appease or pacify, especially by concessions or conciliatory gestures

*soothe, assuage, mollify.

How did Jesus view serving? If God is renewing my mind to be like Christ’s, then I can look to His example. When God requested that Jesus go to the cross:

  • Did Jesus do it to appease or pacify God?
  • Was His agreement to God’s plan a conciliatory gesture?

Jesus wasn’t double minded. He wasn’t thinking, “Omg!! You want me to do what!? Do I have to?” But speaking out, “I want to do this.” I don’t think so. On the contrary, Jesus grabbed a-hold of God’s idea and adapted His own will to God’s plan of the cross.


When Jesus saw there was no other way, He adapted immediately to God’s plan. This morphed His have to into the want to (Luke 22:42). When Jesus chose to adapt to God’s plan for His life, as hard as it was, His heart was no longer divided between have to / want to, and the human part of His mind was renewed (Romans 12:2) and it showed in His willingness. God’s plan became Jesus’ plan – they were united.

Adapting enables the flesh to grow up*. Adapting is what changes the stoic ‘have to’ in our flesh of obedience into the loving ‘want to’ in our spirit. (Ezekiel 11:19)

SCENARIO 1: What would you think? Someone who’s serving at church in the nursery because it‘s a need, but they have no interest in children. They’ve been watching your kids for about 6 months and then you overhear a conversation they are having outside of the church on their cell phone. They don’t really like kids that much. Sure they are cute and everything, but it’s not really what you’d like to be doing. However, you feel God will bless you because there is such a need for it – and there was no one else to do it. Would you really feel comfortable and happy with your kids there? Or would you feel better with overhearing a conversation of someone who said, that they really loved kids, in fact they just enrolled in a child care course because their heart really is for kids – they want to.  Or, scenario 2.

SCENARIO 2: You’ve got this good friend who you‘ve been sharing your life with. You meet every 2 weeks for a coffee and a chat. You’ve become very good friends and feel comfortable in sharing your struggles in marriage with her. You need to drop off something at a different friend’s house and your other friend (the one you’ve been confiding to) is there. They are out on the back deck and don’t know you are there. You decide to surprise/scare them by quietly sneaking up to the gate and barging through with a big smile on your face. NO intentions of eaves dropping – because you completely trust both of these women. But as you approach the gate you hear … not what you expected. Your deeper friend is sharing how she really enjoys your company except when you share about your problems in marriage. She finishes her conversation by saying that, it’s what friends do for each other, they serve each other and this is her Christian duty to serve in their friendship.

See, it doesn’t leave you with a true feeling of warmth and care — it’s not authentic.  It is truth … from the obedience of the mind — but not genuine.

Is it just semantics? I don’t know. Let’s try a different angle and drive it down a little deeper into our own personal experience. Look at the flip-side, from ‘serving’ him sexually (his need) to ‘serving’ her relationally (her need).

SCENARIO 3:  You overhear your husband talking to a friend, “I took her [his wife] out for dinner and a movie last night. I didn’t really feel like it, after the day I had I would rather have unplugged into a book or movie, but God says Christian serving is good, and this kind of serving falls on the husband’s shoulders because God made her with this need, so I ‘loved’ her by SERVING her.”  What a shock to hear; you were thinking that you really had a great time of relational intimacy.

If I over-heard that conversation I wouldn’t be feelin the love. I wouldn’t get a sense of being genuinely engaged in a real relationship of any depth; but more of having been appeased.

He is in the mindset of “I have to” not “I want to.” It feels deceitful and is an affront because when we read, For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25), we know God didn’t mean for Christ to love the church through conciliatory gestures.  Have to is serving. Want to is loving. I don’t want my husband to have to love me; I want him to want to love me.

So, back to the sex of it … as long as I feel that I am serving my husband through sex, it will always be a conciliatory gesture and never authentic genuine love.


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Part 2 – Submission is not serving. Serving is not submission.




*Did the God part of Jesus need to grow up His flesh? Probably not, as the God part of His nature was completely mature all ready. However, the part that was fully human need the flesh contended with. This is part of the testing and suffering that He had to endure to be the first born among many. Jesus lead the way, in demonstration with His own life, to show us what it really means to obey with the right heart.

Stop Talking (Part 1) Thank you, I don’t need your help

rain1 - Copy

In like manner, you married women, be submissive to your own husbands [subordinate yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to them], so that even if any do not obey the Word [of God], they may be won over not by discussion but by the [godly] lives of their wives, -1 Peter 3:1

Wow, that one packs a wallop, doesn’t it?  What do you do with instructions that challenging?

One of the things I love about God is that His ways are provocative, unapologetic, and radically different than mainstream culture.  The things He says push against my flesh and challenge me to grow up into a fully-developed eternal person (James 1:2-3; 1 Peter 4:12-13) while I still live here in the temporary realm.  This growing up is hard at first, but God always delivers the power for us to complete what He instructs if we follow His way instead of doing it on our own.

1 Peter 3:1 was one of those verses that used to challenge me, and occasionally still does. Sometimes the problem I had was with the first half, and sometimes it was with this little phrase:  they may be won over NOT by discussion.

I used to hate that phrase.  It offended my flesh because it didn’t make sense.  When I thought I had grasped what it meant, I went beyond confusion straight into anger. “God’s telling me to shut up! That’s just not fair!”  My head felt like it was going to explode from shutting up.

If I know anything about God, I know that He is always just.  If something seemed or felt wrong or unfair, the injustice came from my interpretation of His instruction, not from the instruction itself.  He mercifully waited for me to grow up so that He could help me understand this verse in a way that changed how I see it.  It is a relief to not struggle with it so much anymore.  I hope it will bless you too!

1 Peter 3:1 is not about setting the tone for the entire marriage.  Instead, it is a God-style conflict resolution tool that is to be used when the two of you are at odds and the unity of the marriage is threatened.  It’s something to flow in and out of, not where the relationship lives.  The time that wives are to move into this silence is stated in 1 Peter 3:  if any do not obey the Word [of God]. 

The Word clearly states that the time to use it is when your husband is being disobedient to God, in whatever form:

  • Not allowing himself to be persuaded; refusing to believe or withhold belief; refusing belief and obedience
  • Will not comply with

The above description is from Blue Letter Bible.  Also, it’s pretty clear from esword too:  Contumacious – Stubbornly or willfully disobedient to authority.

Thanks, But No Thanks

[husbands] may be won over NOT by discussion

The word, ‘not’ is from the Greek word aneu and it literally means:  without one’s will or intervention.  Translation:  God doesn’t want my will for my husband’s life or need my intervention in the scenario we are currently fighting about.

God has asked us as wives to be quiet because He is better qualified to intervene in our husbands’ lives than we are.  Your husband will hear God’s correction, but he won’t hear you harass him about the circumstance.  God needs you to stand down and back off.  The phrase ‘not by discussion’ beautifully and purposely captures God’s intention towards the disobedient husband, as well as His message to a wife: “Thanks, but no thanks.  I’ve got this.”

My Words Were Wrong?

If you find that you have little to no understanding about men, this generally translates into disrespect for them.  My lack of knowledge came through the cultural instillation of feminism.  I did not know how to talk to my husband so he would hear me.  I needed a new understanding, and a new language to express that understanding.

Do you realize what God is actually doing here?  In the vehicle of this current fight, He’s calling shotgun and wants you to voluntarily move to the back seat and keep quiet.  This is more commonly called ‘minding your own business.’

Try looking at it this way:  You are a parent.  Your son is disobeying and your daughter keeps chirping in and trying to get her brother to do right by being the one to tell him he’s wrong.  He just won’t listen, so they always end up fighting over the same thing.  What are you going to say to your daughter?  “Be quiet.  I’ll deal with this.”  You don’t want to hear from her, do you?  As a parent, you know there are times to step in, and times to let them be, and it’s your choice.

This is EXACTLY the way our Spiritual Father works – He’s the Good Parent, we are the siblings.  It’s HIS choice when to step in.  As a wife, your chirping-in is just seen as controlling and bossy, nagging… disrespectful.  The fact that my husband wouldn’t listen to me, didn’t come to me for counsel, or ask my opinion, was the proof that I had not been speaking correctly.  You will never be a beneficial influence in your husband’s life – especially when he’s off track – if you have talked too much and done it wrong.

“You don’t have to be a “person of influence” to be influential.  In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of things they’ve taught me.” –Scott Adams


 Part 2 to follow next week: 

Stop Talking – OK, I’m quiet, now what do I do?



Guys and Dolls


Good morning readers of Up with marriage!  Often times Darrell is behind the scenes of this blog, however, today I’m pleased and proud to have him share his own words!

Guys and Dolls. It’s an older term, but men are men and women are women, no matter what era you are in.  Modern culture would like to group us all together as “people.” How unfair! Male and Female are distinct and unique – as we were created. It took me many years of marriage and not a just a little bit of growing up to realize just how different women and men are.

I read somewhere long ago that wherever you are in your life, you think the majority of other people are in the same place.  If you own a car, you don’t give much thought to those using public transit.  Renting an apartment, not much thought to those who own homes.  Everyone seems to be walking in the shoes we are wearing; funny, the human condition.

  • On Gifts.  Guys, don’t buy her kitchen tools – even if she says yes to this.  Get her girly things, watch what she looks at and what she touches – read her magazines. Dolls, you can buy him tools (keep the receipt), don’t be offended if he trades it in on a different one.
  • On Clothing.  Guys, if you’re brave enough to buy her something, check the sizes in her favorite outfit(s) that she often wears. And for you, she has better taste in clothes…..trust her with this (I don’t mean let her pick your outfits daily, but she will recognize bad choices better). Plus, this is part of her feminine side:  it’s nurturing and she wants to help you.
  • On Personal Care.  I knew a guy that had a female dog, whenever he took her to get groomed they would put a nice bow on her. He would tear it off, unfortunate really – it suited her!  Women love to be pampered, they only really enjoy the hair on their head (which costs more than $10 per cut).  Waxing away all the rest costs more still; but it feels better for both of you. Men hate shaving – period.  Do it for her, not just for work or special occasions.
  • On Food.  She will have a better grasp of proper healthy food choices. You like Bacon and Beef (major negotiations required in the food arena).

A story is told of the sun and the wind competing to get a man to remove his coat.  The wind blew hard and the man held that coat tighter around himself.  When the sun’s turn came, it shone brightly and the man dropped his coat.
Guys……Women are like the sun when they are allowed to be as they were created:  powerful, respectful, nurturing, caring, loving…….you get the picture. Why would you want to destroy this flower, by expecting her to lead the family?  There is already enough responsibility on her petals.  If you add more, she’ll wilt instead of shine.
Dolls……Men are like the wind, strong, forceful and aggressive – why would you want to provoke this force? It would be much better to calm that gale into a warm breeze. A true leader is calm, wise, loving……with the ability to rise up in strength to defend or rescue.
Just some thoughts from a guy, trying to navigate the relational freeway of the day. I do know that I love to provide for and keep them safe. A good leader is my aim, and in trying to battle a harsh world, a hug from my girl regenerates me more than a girl that can eat more wings then me.

In conclusion…….open the car door for Her, she’s worth it!



Excellent wife or rot

excellent wife

An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, Proverbs 12:4

In the face of being crushed by your husband’s sin, have you ever focused on any of these thoughts – or perhaps all of them?

  • I’ll crown him when he acts like he deserves it.
  • Why should I pretend his behavior is kingly?
  • His attitude toward our marriage (or me) is hurtful.
  • I’m not going to pretend that he’s something he’s not.

I believed I was entitled to have these thoughts because of Darrell’s behaviour – he was a harsh unbeliever.  I believed that my marriage was:

  1. The hardest of all marriages.
  2. The one with the most disturbing problems.
  3. The one with the ugliest fights.

But what I really meant was:

  1. HE was the hardest husband.
  2. HE was the one with all the disturbing problems.
  3. HE was the one who fought dirty and unfair.

excellent 3I believed I was an Excellent Wife but my husband didn’t see it and that wasn’t my fault.  So God would have to excuse me of Proverbs 12:4.  This is having a double mind:  I believed I was an Excellent Wife while at the same time believing God would allow me a free pass because my husband’s behaviour wouldn’t allow me to be Excellent All our problems were because of my husband, not me.

 I couldn’t have been further off base.

Sadly, I don’t think I’m alone in this.  While looking for a picture to go with this post I googled the images for excel 3Proverbs 12:4 and I found some striking results.  Lots and lots of beautiful serene women with their husbands, or looking wistfully off into the clouds.

As encouraging as all these images are and the strong message they are meant to convey, there is an absence that is telling – there was only ONE image of the other kind of wife.  Who makes all these images?  Probably married women.  I can’t imagine men making an image like this.  Not that some wouldn’t, but for the most part I’m guessing its women – who believe they’re Excellent Wives.excellent 2

See, that’s the striking thing about the images.  I think we believe that because we are married and because we are Christians we somehow automatically morph into an Excellent Wife by the process of a wedding.

So how does that happen?  How can I think I’m an Excellent Wife and have those horrible thoughts listed above?  And believe that I’m wise and doing him good.

excel 9WHAT, NOT WHO

We add exclusions to God’s Word that depend on the behaviour of another person.    Exclusions come from making excuses so we don’t have to do what God says … when it gets too hard.  If all is well in our marriage and there are no conflicts or struggles, it’s easy to be the Excellent Wife.  However, the real litmus test of the Excellent Wife is during trials – trials with her husband.

excel 13God doesn’t say, “You decide if your husband is worthy of an Excellent Wife, and if he’s not, then you are free to be a destructive force in him.”  Proverbs 12:4 isn’t really about who HE is; but rather a verse for the analysis of SELF:  Wife, look at yourself and see.  What kind of wife are YOU?

I hated to see this within myself, I was not an Excellent Wife – I was the other kind of wife … But she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones. –Proverbs 12:4


When we don’t take the time to honestly ask the question provoked from Proverbs 12, we subconsciously hover between the two wives!  It’s like sitting on the fence facing the direction of the Excellent Wife with our back towards the other wife:  It blinds us to what we are.

excel 11Instead of asking God to show me my own faults and what I needed to change, I allowed my flesh to be fed by focusing on Darrell’s weaknesses, and Satan was/is only too happy to assist.  It is so much easier to see yourself as an Excellent Wife when you only see your husband’s negatives.  With every flaw, slight and offence of Darrell’s, I was easily deluded into thinking I was an Excellent Wife.

And let’s face it, change is hard and it hurts, unless we choose to make the effort, humans will always choose the easier way:  See the faults of another rather than our own.  And a husband right in the home is an easy target, isn’t he?

Let’s strip it back to bare bones and courageously ask God:  Am I an Excellent Wife, or do I just think I am?  In Proverbs 31 we can find His answer:

“ … and her husband boasts of and praises her, [saying], Many daughters have done virtuously, nobly, and well [with the strength of character that is steadfast in goodness], but you excel them all.”

My pride said, I know I am an Excellent Wife.  But according to this verse it wasn’t the Excellent Wife who said she was Excellent.  Neither was it her friends, prayer group, ladies group or her co-workers.

It was her husband.

exce 1You’ll know you are an Excellent Wife because you will hear him bragging about you to others and you’ll receive his compliments directly.

I think the world has led us to believe there is something deeply wrong with us to want this validation from our husbands, or that it is somehow beneath us to seek this kind of validation from them.  And yet, there are a ton of books on how to be an Excellent Wife.  I think most wives really do want to be excellent, but we are seeking validation from the wrong people.

excellent 10Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying your husband gets to decide about your soul, that’s between you and God – your soul is about eternity.  Being an Excellent Wife is about the here and now – earthly.

If accolades from her husband were good enough for the Excellent Wife in Proverbs 31, and God chose to have it written in His Word – there must be something to it.




For Better AFTER the Worse



Taking stock of your life to examine where you’ve been and where you’re going is good, it gives perspective when you ask, why are we doing what we’re doing?

At this stage, for us, we are entering a different season – although we call them adventures at our house – more on that in another post.  Lately I’ve been revisiting my purpose of Upwithmarriage to make sure I’m on target.  Those of you that have been following us know that we’re all about the fight to stay married.

There are a few simple reasons I believe that it’s a fight that often translates into war in our marriages and homes:

  • Satan is real and is a real adversary to God
  • Satan is real and hates you and me and wants to devour us
  • Satan is real and hates marriage because it represents Christ and us

This is why my tagline says:  a place for those who want to keep their vows, for better or for … WORSE.

I believe there are great rewards for sticking with your marriage while it’s in the fray.  If we’ll do our part, God will be sure to do His.  The earthly reward for gutting it out through the worse is that on the other side of it is the better, just waiting to be grabbed.

I know this because Darrell and I now live on other side of our worse – in the better.  Notice I didn’t say perfect.  Better means we now see the war and know that we are on the same team against a common enemy.  Instead of facing each other in war we have our backs to each other in defence, FOR each other.

In life it will always be a fight, nothing comes easy worth having comes easy.  Or like the song says, nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight.

  • chicks have to fight to get out of the egg, for life
  • eaglets take their first flight as they fall
  • the only way positive and negative ions in our atmosphere get reset is through great thunderstorms
  • proper nutritional food and healthy lifestyle yield the shapely body
  • sweating it out through pain will build muscles
  • in order to have nice teeth there is always dental work, without this pain it doesn’t happen.

The work or the effort always comes before the reward.  In marriage, the reward of better will come … after the worse.  But we’ll never get to experience the better that God has for us if we won’t endure and trust Him to get us there. (1 Peter 2:19-23; Romans 8:17; 1 Peter 4:13 )

It’s in the worse that Satan tries to chase us out of our marriages.  But if you’re going to stay in a marriage through the ‘for worse’ part you are going to need to be strong.  You’re going to need to grow up and eat some meat.  You’re going to need to work those faith muscles until they are aching.

Emotional and Physical

Maturity in the Lord requires emotional growth.  And just like physical growth, it isn’t constant.  When you work your physical muscles, technically what you do is rip them (injure them – just a little) and after this they need a rest period, usually 24 hours.  In our emotional growth there are also times to grow and times to heal.

Sometimes you overdo so much that you cause harmful physical injury and you might need more than just the normal rest period.  You might need physiotherapy – for slow and gentle step by step healing.  This isn’t the time or place for sweating under the strain to make your muscles stronger; but a place of being personally cared for to get basic mobility and function back.

The entire point of physiotherapy, as with any form of therapy, is to heal and build up so that you can move on – it’s not where you stay.  There IS a time for all things, and sometimes we can even get re-injured, hurt or find a new wound and need to slow it down and get healing again.

My point is that you can’t live in that comfy ‘cared-for’ place, forever.  Therapy is for injured people and once you’ve completed your course of treatment, you are discharged.  They send you back out into the world – they don’t keep giving you that slow, gentle step-by-step, do it for you treatment.

If your muscles aren’t used and worked they atrophy.  This makes you helpless; a victim

Upwithmarriage is not physiotherapy – it’s a Gold’s Gym for your spiritual muscles.  I’m not going to let you sit back in a victim mentality, give up on your training program.  Nope.  I’m going to add MORE weight.

Your training program comes from being a wife. (1 Corinthians 7:28)  The resistance of weight comes in 2 forms:  Your husband’s offences towards you, and your offences towards him.  And the resistance on you will hurt. (2 Corinthians 4:8-9)

  • This blog is for wives who have decided to stay married because they’ve chosen to see beyond this present life (Romans 8:18).  They choose to look beyond the present conflicts, struggles, and battles in marriage, into the darkness of the real enemy: the one who seeks to devour marriage.
  • For wives who see that their men are not just husbands here on earth, but also brothers in the faith – worth fighting for.
  • For wives who have a heart like that of David, and will not raise their sword or hand against a brother, but instead will fearlessly walk into that enemy camp, grab Satan by the horns (bear with me, the spiritual imagery works), and shake him until he lets go of her husband.
  • For wives who are ready to engage in spiritual battle for their brothers, for marriage and for God.

Again, just so I’m not misunderstood, I’ll repeat.  It’s not that being in that cared-for and healing place makes you a victim – we all get injured and wounded and need that time of healing.  But if you’re sitting in that place already healed, and you’ve got fight in you, you’re not helping anyone – especially your marriage.  It means you are not growing and furthering the cause for which Christ died.  No salt.  No light.

But to my sisters who’ve done the healing and are ready to own their victory as wives conquering for Christ – Semper Fi!