love talk

4 THINGS TO BE PROACTIVE

In our busy world that so often calls us to be self-focused on what we are getting from others, take some time to focus on giving back.  Encouragement through the Season of Giving amounts to nothing in the end if its life is non-existent throughout the rest of the year.  Here are some proactive DOs that will convey love to your man.

 

DO

TOUCH:  Make skin to skin contact frequently, not just with sex.   Psychology Today  states that touch is, “[…] the secret weapon in many a successful relationship.”  Touch lingeringly and often.  When you talk and when you walk.  Touch demonstrates your genuine interest in the well-being of another.

SMILE:  Truvy from Steel Magnolias says, “Smile, it increases your face value.”  When he looks at you, stare back and smile, show you are happy with him and that he has your full attention.  A deliberate look paired with a kittenish grin says more than I love you, it says, I liiiike YOU.  Besides, smiles are free to give, so give them often.

TIME:  Time stops for no one?  Well, no it actually doesn’t but sharing your time especially when it is … untimely is a great way to increase the value of time for someone else.  Being present with your time is a remarkable gesture because you cannot replace it once it has been lived.  Giving time generously takes the intangible and makes it tangible.

PRIDE OF OWNERSHIP:  There’s a reason we don’t uplift ourselves, it’s not humble.  But when it comes to others we can spill it.  So, uplift everything he does and if he’s within earshot of your conversation, all the better.  Brag about how great he is!  Brag about how much of a man he is.  Brag about how well he takes care of you.  Look for his successes, be proud and say it!

Don’t let Christmas be only a season of giving.  Instead, let this Christmas be the start of a giving life.

 

christmas a

 

 

A Worthy Purpose

Limitless-Love

“True happiness is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.” –Helen Keller

Have you defined your worthy purpose?

For me, being a wife is the most important role I fill while here on earth.  Submission to Darrell’s authority won’t be a dynamic in our relationship when we’re in heaven; but learning the humility to submit while on earth renews my mind and strengthens my faith.  This humility goes a long way towards shaping my inner person to be fit for eternity. (1 Cor 6:2-3)

God moves through my marriage in His limitless love and power to shape me into the unselfish daughter that He created me to be.  Being a part of marriage allows me to work towards something bigger than me.  Striving to make a positive difference in those closest to me diminishes my human selfishness by shrinking the desires of my flesh and moving me closer to the likeness of Christ.

Limitless love

There is no one else other than a husband who qualifies to fit in every category of relationship:

  • …have unfailing love for one another1 Peter 4:8
  • … shall love his brother also  – 1 John 4:20
  • …love your neighbour as yourself  – Mark 12:31
  • …no one has greater love […] than to give up his own life for his friends  – John 15:13

Pulling strings or manipulating to gain the advantage in our marriage (more commonly known as getting your own way) will only bring temporary satisfaction; not true happiness.  And does nothing to teach the kind of love that Jesus demonstrated for me to learn.

Marriage isn’t supposed to teach me how to have my own way – do my own thing, or impose my own rights.  But to daily learn how to lay those things down for a better and permanent way.

  • Marriage is God’s plan to grow me.
  • Marriage belongs to God; it’s His way and in His control.
  • Marriage is the best opportunity I have to grow up.  It gives me real life practice of disciplines that will renew my mind to think like Jesus.

worthy purpose

 

Words Are Not Enough

 

 

walk-the-talk

GOD SPEAKS GOD GIVES

Words and actions are inseparable. God speaks and what He says happens. When He makes promises, He keeps His word.

God created you in His own image, then gave you salvation through His own Son, Jesus Christ. He designed you to be like Him, and then He gave you the way to do it and the power of the Holy Spirit so that you are able to accomplish the task:  God gave

  • If words were enough, God would have stopped after He spoke the 10 Commandments.
  • If words were enough, God would have stopped after He spoke through the prophets.

Words need action to be authenticated, because they are not enough. God showed his authenticity through the action of giving His most, not His least. He gave us everything — He gave us His Son.

For God loved the world so much that He gave His one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life. –John 3:16

JESUS SPEAKS JESUS GIVES

Jesus follows the same pattern as His Father.  He gave us a new command then authenticated His words just like God did – He gave His best, Himself.  He showed us how to die to self.

I give you a new commandment: that you should love one another. Just as I have loved you, so you too should love one another. –John 13:34

WE SPEAK WE GIVE

Our genuine love for God is shown in our authenticity in marriage – we follow our Father’s pattern of speaking and giving.  We’ll do what Jesus did.

… if God loved us so [very much], we also ought to love one another. -1 John 4:11

On your wedding day you give your words.  The authentication of those words is determined by the life you give your marriage:  You die to self by becoming one with your husband.

… and the two shall become one. –Genesis 2:24

Instead of asking: What Would Jesus Do, WWJD?

Let’s Do What Jesus Did, DWJD!

 

When you make the sacrifice in marriage, you’re sacrificing not to each other but to unity in a relationship. –Joseph Campbell

 

 

 

Is this really love?

falling in love

I love to learn new insights and revelations about marriage and sometimes I get encouragement from places that surprise me.

When I first read the title, 12 Signs That You are Falling in Love, I thought, “Oh that’s cute.”  But as I was reading down through each of Aurelia’s points, I found myself responding with, hmmmm, well, what do you know about that! I still feel lots of these emotions for Darrell, I wonder if that means that I’ve been falling in love with the same man for over 26 years?”

There were lots of other sites with the same idea and one in particular that had a more science-ee feel, you can read it here.   Although there is some overlap, I found Aurelia’s to be a bit more ‘dreamy’ which keeps in step with my girlie heart.

See if any of these signs ring true for you:

  • You will read his messages over and over again.
  • You will walk slower while walking with him.
  • You will pretend to be shy when you are with him.  (Ok, not too sure about this one.  so I added my own …
  • You will often find yourself speechless around him.
  • While thinking about him your heart beats faster.
  • By listening to his voice you smile for no reason.
  • While looking at him you can’t see other people, just him.
  • You start listening to slow music.
  • He becomes all you think about.
  • You get high just by his smell.
  • You realize you are always smiling to yourself anytime you think of him.
  • You will do anything for him.
  • While reading this there was one person on your mind the whole time –AM I WRONG?

I thought it was clever how she strategically placed her last point!

So, what does it mean then, “Have I been falling love with the same man for over 26 years?”  Yes – and no.

You will continue to fall in love

the more you choose to be in love

It took me a long to grow up in our marriage and until about the last 12 years I believed that love was supposed to happen naturally.  Why wouldn’t I think that, we met naturally and we were naturally attracted to each other.  Why wouldn’t married love be the same?  Those of you who’ve been married for any length of time know that a marriage can’t survive on this kind of love.  To me, attraction isn’t really even love it’s more like an appetizer before the main course – something to whet your appetite.

When I stopped to reflect over the different seasons of our marriage, I could see a pattern emerge.  When I was selfish, none of these love ‘feelings’ of attraction emerged – they were killed and replaced with feelings of anger, fear, hate, dread.  However, when I was in a giving spirit the love feelings came flooding back into my heart.

Stephen R. Covey says it this way, “The notion of being ‘in-love’ is purely passive; the notion of ‘loving’ is active – it’s a verb.  Love (the feeling) is the fruit of love (the verb).”

I like that he uses the word fruit.  Fruit isn’t like a gift, it must be grown and it takes work.  The word fruit reminds me to push passed any thoughts of entitlement that I first experienced during attraction so that I can move on to a mature love:  The doing love.

This means the love you feel for someone is a direct result of how you have chosen to love them — sow love reap attraction.  If God’s law of sowing and reaping is true then reverse is also true.  — sow hate reap rejection.  If I want to know if I’m emulating Christ, all I need to do is examine my feelings.  Do I feel attracted to my husband or do my feelings reject him?

People have the power to do loving things FOR each other just as they have the power to do hateful things TO each other.” Stephen R. Covey

 

My mouth … my marriage ~ July 10, 2013

PRAYER

Thank you God for loving my husband and choosing him to be healed and holy and for adopting us to Yourself, what an amazing gift!  Also, for Your patience in reminding us of how happy it made You to choose us and plan this – some days I still can’t believe You did this!

In the midst of one day stretching into the next, it can be easy to forget the higher purpose for us – for our marriages, that it‘s not about us; but You.  With the love that You gave to us Lord, help us to reciprocate through our spouse.  Remind us of Your generous risk in choosing to love us regardless of our actions and teach us that we will have to risk as well if we are going to trust You to love each other the way that You love us.

Lord, You know, there are plenty of times in marriage when Your love is easily extended to each other.  And then there are times when it’s just too hard.  Thank You that we can be honest with You in how we feel and for making it possible to extend Your strong love through us.  Humble me Lord by reminding me that sometimes I’m the one that is hard to love and that my husband must turn to You – just like I do.  Amen

 

 

sword July 10