Teamwork or Toxicwork

Marriage can be a good litmus test to find out if there’s a disconnect in our theology.  When our claim to God is all about the grace we’ve received from Jesus the Saviour, to the exclusion of the grace we give to one another through Christ the Lord, we’ll be unbalanced.

Biting and devouring in conflict, disagreements and disharmony, separation from each other and failure to give grace to our brothers in Christ: these are evidences of an unbalanced Christianity.  When my focus is only on what I’ve received from God instead of how I can live for Him, there’s a disconnect between how I talk and how I walk.

Children first crawl so they can walk and they first babble so they can talk.  We first receive grace so that we can mature and give it away in obedience.  The longer we live in the “Saviour” mentality – tightfistedly hanging onto grace – the more selfish we are … the more unbalanced we’ll seem, like a 18 year old that acts like a 12 year old.

When my faith has embraced Jesus Christ as both my Saviour and the LORD of my life, inevitably it will transpire into my marriage.





Moisture or drought?

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Moist or dry?

Moisture is like love: it gives life.  Love frees and encourages others to develop.  Does my husband’s soul feel watered when he’s around me?  After he’s been with me, does he feel strengthened to grow and safe to develop?  Does God’s love flow freely through me doing the work He meant it to, like the water cycle does?

And the best of the three is love.1 Cor 13:13

But if we love one another, God abides (lives and remains) in us and His love(that love which is essentially His) is brought to completion (to its full maturity, runs its full course, is perfected) in us! -1 John 4:12

God extravagantly pours His love down on me in all of His grace and mercy so that I can extravagantly pass it on to water others for growth.  Am I doing the work of watering my husband? Is he free to be himself as he grows up in the Lord, errors and omissions included?  Or is his soul parched, stunted and thirsty for freedom?

Lack of moisture means drought

Am I drying up his soul, slowly killing it by withholding the moisture through my words and actions?

In the earlier part of our marriage I was a wife that caused a drought.  It was an awful place to live. Measuring my sin against Darrell’s caused me to blind myself to my own, therefore believing he was undeserving of my moisture.  The love that would have freed him to grow was the very thing I held back, causing hurt in the marriage, him, and me.

Drought = dysfunction & disunity

I challenge you to ask yourself:  If your husband was asked to describe you, would he say you are moisture or drought to his soul?


“By judging others we blind ourselves to our own evil and to the grace which others are just as entitled to as we are.”  — Dietrich Bonhoeffer