I love to learn new insights and revelations about marriage and sometimes I get encouragement from places that surprise me.
When I first read the title, 12 Signs That You are Falling in Love, I thought, “Oh that’s cute.” But as I was reading down through each of Aurelia’s points, I found myself responding with, hmmmm, well, what do you know about that! I still feel lots of these emotions for Darrell, I wonder if that means that I’ve been falling in love with the same man for over 26 years?”
There were lots of other sites with the same idea and one in particular that had a more science-ee feel, you can read it here. Although there is some overlap, I found Aurelia’s to be a bit more ‘dreamy’ which keeps in step with my girlie heart.
See if any of these signs ring true for you:
- You will read his messages over and over again.
- You will walk slower while walking with him.
- You will pretend to be shy when you are with him. (Ok, not too sure about this one. so I added my own …
- You will often find yourself speechless around him.
- While thinking about him your heart beats faster.
- By listening to his voice you smile for no reason.
- While looking at him you can’t see other people, just him.
- You start listening to slow music.
- He becomes all you think about.
- You get high just by his smell.
- You realize you are always smiling to yourself anytime you think of him.
- You will do anything for him.
- While reading this there was one person on your mind the whole time –AM I WRONG?
I thought it was clever how she strategically placed her last point!
So, what does it mean then, “Have I been falling love with the same man for over 26 years?” Yes – and no.
You will continue to fall in love
the more you choose to be in love
It took me a long to grow up in our marriage and until about the last 12 years I believed that love was supposed to happen naturally. Why wouldn’t I think that, we met naturally and we were naturally attracted to each other. Why wouldn’t married love be the same? Those of you who’ve been married for any length of time know that a marriage can’t survive on this kind of love. To me, attraction isn’t really even love it’s more like an appetizer before the main course – something to whet your appetite.
When I stopped to reflect over the different seasons of our marriage, I could see a pattern emerge. When I was selfish, none of these love ‘feelings’ of attraction emerged – they were killed and replaced with feelings of anger, fear, hate, dread. However, when I was in a giving spirit the love feelings came flooding back into my heart.
Stephen R. Covey says it this way, “The notion of being ‘in-love’ is purely passive; the notion of ‘loving’ is active – it’s a verb. Love (the feeling) is the fruit of love (the verb).”
I like that he uses the word fruit. Fruit isn’t like a gift, it must be grown and it takes work. The word fruit reminds me to push passed any thoughts of entitlement that I first experienced during attraction so that I can move on to a mature love: The doing love.
This means the love you feel for someone is a direct result of how you have chosen to love them — sow love reap attraction. If God’s law of sowing and reaping is true then reverse is also true. — sow hate reap rejection. If I want to know if I’m emulating Christ, all I need to do is examine my feelings. Do I feel attracted to my husband or do my feelings reject him?
People have the power to do loving things FOR each other just as they have the power to do hateful things TO each other.” Stephen R. Covey