Marriage isn’t a Snackin Cake®


The wedding cake is a significant element of the whole wedding celebration.  In fact, I’ve never been to a wedding were cutting the cake wasn’t included as part of the day.  I think it’s generally accepted as important because it’s the first task completed as a team.

There’s a rich metaphor found in the next action.  The first bite is eaten simultaneously from one another, rather than feeding self first which demonstrates selfishness.  This offer to feed our spouse first stands against selfishness: “I will put you first.  I will think of you before me.”  Let each of you esteem and look upon and be concerned for not [merely] his own interests, but also each for the interests of others. – Phil 2:4

Over the last few years I’ve developed a real love for making cheesecakes, not just eating them but watching others enjoy every bite.  There are nuances in making a successful cheesecake that are much like success in marriage.

We each bring our own ingredients into the kitchen – ingredients that are very different from each other but necessary.  Also, there are basic rules to follow, you cannot just toss all the ingredients together then throw it in the oven.  Here’s your Snackin Cake®:  You simply get married via a beautiful wedding, then throw a couple of kids in the mix and then somehow, being married for 25 – 45 years just mystically morphs into happily ever after.  One boxed mix, one pan.  Sounds so simple.

A good cheesecake doesn’t magically happen,

                           and a marriage doesn’t magically make itself.

Check your pantry to see what you have

Ingredients are prepared separately before they are added into the mix.  For the best results the cream cheese and eggs should be brought to room temperature, completely — no chill left in them whatsoever.

Do you know yourself?  Not the person everyone sees or even the person you think you are.  But the person you are as you measure yourself to Christ.  Alone … just you and God with Christ as your mirror.  Do you recognize your own weaknesses apart from your husbands?

Assemble what you need

If you assemble what you need in groups, the process will be easier and there will be less chance of missing an ingredient.  For instance, the ingredients for my crust and filling are set apart from each other so they are on different areas of the counter.  There is a time for them to work together … but it’s not yet.

You are different from your husband so you both have different areas that need to be developed.  Focus on your part only.  God will work on your husband’s heart alone – leave it with Him.  And God will give you the same courtesy as He prepares your heart in privacy.  Now that I’ve seen a weakness, do I own it and keep it separate, or do I use my spouses sin to whitewash my own.

Putting in all that I have

If the recipe calls for 1 cup of graham crumbs to make the crust, I make sure to put the whole cup in.  Not ½ or ¾ of a cup, otherwise the crust won’t have the strength to support the filling.

It’s necessary that each spouse contribute the best of what they have:  all of their ingredients into the mix; and not hold back any part of who they are.  It’s in our weaknesses … our lacking that God steps in.  Alone I don’t have the full measurement of what I need, but if I allow God to step in I can love with all that I have because He loved me first.  With God’s love I can be all in.   Do I give all that I’ve been given, or would God say that I’m withholding His best?

Baking instructions:  Provide heat

Some cheesecakes need a water bath for moisture, some don’t.  But they all need heat.  In it goes and the oven door is closed.  Sealed … bound into the heat.  Marriage.

God is like the oven, He decides the heat and duration that is needed for each of us over a lifetime so that this marriage will develop into its fullest elevation and expression of Himself.

There is so much more effort that’s required to make a cheesecake than a Snackin Cake®.  If we would put as much effort into marriage as we put into the wedding day – our marriages might just look more like Christ and His church.

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Photo Credit






One comment

  1. “It’s necessary that each spouse contribute the best of what they have: all of their ingredients into the mix; and not hold back any part of who they are.” – So true!

    Truthfully, I never really thought about the metaphor and meaning of each feeding the other at the cutting of the wedding cake. Serving each other first is so important to sustaining a marriage.

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