Did I Marry the Wrong Guy?

I really struggle with the right guy/wrong guy mentality; I’ll tell you why.  So often we hear, “my marriage failed because I married the wrong guy.”  Because its popular culture thinking … to blame others rather than ourselves, ya know, ‘passing the buck’.  Anytime I find a mainstream consensus I like to track it to see if I can find where it links back to; the Bible or the world.

Marrying the wrong guy also implies a mistake, which in turn implies that, ‘I better take care of this big mess myself, because even God won’t be able to fix it.’

God doesn’t say that about Himself though:  He says He will work through any situation we find ourselves in, if we will just expect Him to, and give Him opportunity, we are assured and know that [God being a partner in their labour] all things work together and are [fitting into a plan] for good to and for those who love God and are called according to [His] design and purpose. (Rom 8:28)

If you believe that God has truly called you and you really want to love His way; He expects you to wait for Him.  He expects you to believe in His power and the integrity of His Word.  When He states, all things, He means, ALL, things … including our husbands.

God was gracious enough to wait for me to walk through my rebellion and selfishness … my bad choices; He waited patiently until I was ready to hear Him and turn my heart in repentance.  He didn’t berate me or call attention to my wrong choices with condemnation and a megaphone.  He waited lovingly and offered me mercy.

If we are truly followers of Him and are truly being transformed into His likeness … shouldn’t we be giving out to others, this very mercy that we so willingly and happily accepted for ourselves.  My actions back up the truth of what I believe; if I say that God is able, but then take matters into my own hands, I am saying one thing and doing another.

I think Zig Ziglar says it best:

I’ll be the first to admit that its possible that you did marry the wrong person.  However, if you treat the wrong person like the right person, you could well end up having married the right person after all.  On the other hand, if you marry the right person, and treat that person wrong, you certainly will have ended up marrying the wrong person.  I also know that it is far more important to be the right kind of person than it is to marry the right person.  In short, whether you married the right or wrong person is primarily up to you.




  1. Wow, is this ever a great point! I think all of us have thought at one time or another that we have married the ‘wrong guy’ or the ‘wrong woman’. I also always believed that loving a person is a choice!

    1. You are right Melanie! It is totally a choice … sometimes its a hard choice, but a choice nonetheless.

      I often try to think of how Christ felt when He had the choice to face the cross or not … for us; how can I do any less for my brother? I cannot.

  2. It is possible that when people say they married the wrong person, what they are thinking is they didn’t marry their perfect person? They would readily admit no one is perfect, if for no other reason than to allow for and justify their own imperfections; but, they continue to hope for perfection in their mate, at least in the area of marital behavior. He/she may not be physically perfect, a perfect provider or perfect of face, but they should be able to perfectly read our minds and thus meet our emotional and physical needs. We are willing to tolerate imperfection in other areas but not this one. If we search deeply enough though, we may just find being the right or wrong mate isn’t really about the whole, the sum of the parts, but the parts themselves and the value we place upon them individually. “If she would only…OR or he would just…then I could put up with the rest of it.” We focus on those individual needs and lose sight of what others are being met. What if they met the unmet needs and let some met needs go unmet in the process? Are they then the “right” person, or still wrong but in some new way? Using a 1-10 scale to value your needs, what if the unmet need is valued a 6 while the met need is valued a 10? Would you swap the values of the 10 and 6; deny the 10 to meet the 6 or is their another option?

    What if instead of expecting to affect change in some one else, you made a change the only place you really can, with you? What if you decided to reevaluate your needs? Is it possible you are asking some one to meet a need within you only you can meet and you are thus placing an impossible burden upon them? What if that unmet need is masking another issue you are in denial over? How are they to meet a need you cannot even express? If you take time to reevaluate, perhaps you will discover some of these obstacles are what is wrong and not your mate. You may also find you can mediate a settlement within your heart. If I can go down to 8 on the 10 and settle for going up to an 8 on the 6, I can be content. An 8 across the board may just give you the “right” person. Of course, you can always pray for change. My saying it that way isn’t my encouraging you to make it the avenue of final resort. What I am saying is God gives us the ability to discern the areas of difference in our marriage. Our problem is we don’t always want to see them in the way He does. If you cannot bring yourself to look at your marital problems in a fair and balanced way, then you absolutely need to pray about them. Pray for God to give you patience first and foremost. His schedule is not yours and the lesson to be learned may not be fully taught yet. Wait upon the Lord. Pray to have the scales lifted from your eyes so you may see the truth and direction of His plan for your marriage. If you find yourself praying, “God I know… but…” STOP. You KNOW nothing and are not operating in obedience and faith. “But” is you saying “I question your sovereignty and wisdom and I know something I’m sure you aren’t considering.” Clear your prideful heart and mind and begin again. He’ll wait. Waiting is part of His business and, unfortunately, business is good.

    Perhaps he is waiting for you to reevaluate your “needs” and therein lays the lesson he is teaching. Over two millennia ago a generation wandered the desert as God taught them a 40 -year lesson on their lack of obedience and faith. Try not to do the same with your marriage. A lifetime to learn a lesson is too long and to condemn you life to an existence without God’s providence. In the mid-19th century, pioneers filled Conestoga wagons with family treasures that were thought of as “needs” in Independence, Missouri that later littered the way as they became encumbrances when meeting the trials of the Oregon trail. Are you coveting earthly treasure and crowding out the treasure of heavenly blessings? Perhaps that is what really needs praying about? Perhaps it is your heart that needs changing, and not your mate.

  3. “We are willing to tolerate imperfection in other areas but not this one.”

    You nailed it BD! This was the crux of this post. We talk of all the attributes developing in us through Christ in all other relationships – except for this one – in marriage, which is the place where it is most needed.

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