Staying Married Makes You Lucky?

If you’ve been married for any length of time you’ve heard this statement.  And the longer you are married, it seems, the more frequent you hear it.  And we heard it, again, as we are drawing near to our 24th year of marriage.  We were out for a coffee and in the course of chatting with our server she said it to us, “Wow, 24 years, you guys are one of the lucky ones.”  Now, I like to see the best in everyone and that includes this server; I really don’t think she (or anyone else who has said this) means it in a demeaning or hurtful way.  I just don’t think they understand what, exactly, they are saying to those who have not been divorced.

Now what makes this such a bizarre pattern is that the only people who tell us we are ‘lucky’ are the ones who have been divorced.  Those who haven’t been divorced will give a, “congratulations to the both of you,” or “awesome, keep at it,” or sometimes its just a smile and a knowing nod; anyone who has been married for any length of time would never ….. Never, use the word LUCKY.

For they know, luck has squat to do with it.  And that blood, sweat and many tears has everything to do with it.

Some of the ‘lucky’ seasons in our marriage have gotten so ‘lucky’ that we’ve been like two boxers in a ring, neither one willing to throw in that towel; yet both of us are so physically exhausted that we can hardly stand up; and so emotionally drained that our vision is blurred and we can hardly see were that opponent is dodging to, to grab them for another shot to the head (metaphorically speaking of course).

No, luck is the furthest thing away from what keeps you in the ring of marriage.  Its sheer diligence and an unwillingness to go back on our word of promise, and the biggest dose of faith in God you can imagine, to stay where we are at and continue in the marathon race called marriage.  Interestingly, when you train for a marathon race it requires all the same elements, commitment, diligence and a willingness to stay the course.  Can you imagine, saying to the winner of an Iron Man Triathlon … “wow, your lucky to have won!” … talk about diminishing all of their efforts they put forth to actually win.

Seen from the prospective of someone who is married and striving to hang on; to tell them they are lucky is just like negating all the work they are doing.

Its about choosing to stay married and giving it your all.  Giving until you are empty and it aches … and then giving more.

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12 comments

  1. This year will mark thirty. If I’m lucky at anything, it would be having chosen her, but then that would deny God’s providence.

  2. Speaking of luck in a slightly irreverent way, we had a visitor in our church exclaim one day how lucky the church was about something. A less-than-tolerant little old lady legalist shot back at her, “We don’t believe in luck! We believe in blessings,” to which the visitor responded, “Well then, aren’t we lucky to be blessed?” HA

  3. I’m going to the beginning to see who you were so I can better understand who you are and the path you took to get there. I’m sorry if I pull you back to places you may not want to revisit.

    1. There’s no problem with that BD, I’m looking forward to another trip down ‘lesson’ lane – if you should choose to take me there! (Sorry, my posts are long.) Most of them should probably have been divided into series. But I leave the option starting and stopping up to the readers.

      1. My comments suffer from the same affliction: “Ad infinitum” syndrome. Many of them I save as to their future posts potential. I just hijacked you second-ever post with my comment by the way. Sorry. 😦

  4. 🙂

    Not a problem at all – hijack away!! I don’t care where my posts end up, the information and lessons learned don’t belong to me, they are God’s. The fact that you can build and take them further is an encouragement to me!

  5. Going to go spend time with my wife at the gym. After your crack about watching on Sis’ site, I went to the gym the next day and realllllly over worked my triceps. Five days of pain where I couldn’t reach to scratch my nose without bringing my face down to meet my hand halfway. I am of course blaming that on you and not my male testosterone inflated ego. 😉

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