Into the deep

Remember swimming as a kid?  You stretched out your leg to touch bottom … and it wasn’t there!  Maybe your eyes got wide with fear and you felt that instant panic start to whirl in your gut!  It was terrifying, if only for a brief moment, until you regained your footing.

He said, Come! So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water, and he came toward Jesus. -Matthew 14:29

Jesus invited Peter to do what was impossible — walk on water.  Peter, a seasoned fisherman!  He’d just worked all night and came up empty – he knew that he knew that he knew, there just aren’t any fish there.  (Luke 5:4-5)

In both cases Jesus told Peter to do what seemed impossible and what was impossible.

Jesus invited Peter to trust.  Jesus invites us to trust.  Step into the unknown.  Step deep, where you don’t know what will happen.  Step deep, where there is nothing underneath you.  Step deep where your fear will well up in you.

REALITIES ABOUT STEPPING INTO THE DEEP

It’s Risky

So please tell them you are my sister.  Then they will spare my life and treat me well because of their interest in you. -Genesis 12:13

Sarah had a decision to make; a forced decision.  Not due to anything she had done, but because of how beautiful God had created her.  Abraham had enjoyed that beauty so long as it was good for him, but as soon as it became a liability, he sold her out.  Because of Abraham‘s fear and tendency to lie under pressure (it happened twice), he asked her to sacrifice herself rather than sacrificing himself.  Sarah chose to risk.  There will be risk when you put the needs of your spouse ahead of your own.

It’s Radical

Don’t hit back; discover beauty in everyone.  If you’ve got it in you, get along with everybody.  Don’t insist on getting even; that’s not for you to do.  “I’ll do the judging,” says God.  “I’ll take care of it.”   Our Scriptures tell us that if you see your enemy hungry, go buy that person lunch, or if he’s thirsty, get him a drink.  Your generosity will surprise him with goodness.  Don’t let evil get the best of you; get the best of evil by doing good. -Romans 12:17-21

We all know what Jesus is saying here, we just don’t like what it means and how it will make us look, especially when it‘s applied to marriage.

A deep step will cause you to appear different from those around you.  I don’t mean you’ll look like a religious ‘geek’ or a throw-back from the 1950/60s.  There is a love that the world won’t allow but it will show up in your relationships.  It will supernaturally funnel its way through you like it did with Jesus.  Radical mercy doesn’t fight for its own rights.  Radical grace is about others, not self.  Radical love doesn’t consider how it was wronged, only about how others are going to be hurt by God’s revenge, “Father, forgive them; they don’t know what they’re doing.” -Luke 23:34.  It will look radical when consider your spouse ahead of yourself.

It’s Counter-intuitive

And when those who belonged to Him (His kinsmen) heard it, they went out to take Him by force, for they kept saying, He is out of His mind (beside Himself, deranged)!   And the scribes who came down from Jerusalem said, He is possessed by Beelzebub, and, By [the help of] the prince of demons He is casting out demons. -Mark 3:21-22

The deep you step into will feel crazy and people will back up this notion.  To your human senses it’s unpreserved and unprotected.  The ones closest to you will appeal to your sense of self-protectiveness.  People will say you are crazy and not hearing from God; but Satan.  It’s the voice of the world, not the Spirit, that says choose self.  It will feel counter-intuitive to choose your spouse over yourself.

The Outcome is Unknown

Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.  Hebrews 11:1

If we knew the outcome beforehand, we wouldn’t need faith.  The deep we step into will always be a weakness and that’s what scares us.  Like standing in a lit room when the lights go out; engulfed in darkness, there’s no way to tell what the outcome will be, only God knows.  Being blind in the natural strengthens your confidence in God.

God Knows What Your Deep is

The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience.  And God is faithful.  He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand.  When you are tempted, He will show you a way out so that you can endure.  -1 Corinthians 10:13

Everyone’s deep is different because we are all growing from different places in our relationship with God.  Our deep feels deep because it is weak.  Those particular faith muscles are small, but will be bigger and stronger after you step into the deep.  We miss-step and fall and God knows that, that’s why Jesus is there!  On the water with the waves that toss and threaten to overtake the boat.  See here where Peter was invited to walk!

Peter’s storm can be a metaphor of what it might feel like inside ourselves during a turbulent circumstance or relational crisis.  And the more chop there is, the greater the temptation is to try and escape.  To run back to the boat … away from Jesus.  If the choice is to leave the ’storm’ and run back to the boat of protection, a way to endure is not needed – God is not needed.

When troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.  For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.  So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. -James 1:2-4

 

 

Flesh Versus Spirit (Part 4) The heat – Jesus

Series:  Flesh Versus Spirit – Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Part 4 – The heat – Jesus

Sometimes trials and tribulations are consequences of our own actions and sometimes they come through the hands of the faults and weaknesses from others; even husbands.  And it seems the harder the trial is on our flesh (emotions, soul) – the more it hurts.  And the more it hurts, the harder it is to accept that God is actually in control of everything.  Either way He states, in no uncertain terms, that He is sovereign; that He can use anything and everything for our growth in His plan for our lives.

The lot is cast into the lap, but the decision is wholly of the Lord

[even the events that seem accidental are really ordered by Him].

Proverbs 16:33

~

We are assured and know that

[God being a partner in their labour]

all things work together and are [fitting into a plan]

for good to and for those who love God

and are called according to [His] design and purpose.

Romans 8:28

Once we are able to accept what God says about Himself, trials can take on a different “bear-ability.”  We’ll be able to step beyond the emotions in our flesh, at least a little, and see the war between our flesh and spirit.  This helps us choose to move in the spirit, in spite of the pain of our flesh.  We’ll be able to see that with any trial any tribulation, because of God’s sovereignty, there’s always something we can learn about ourselves – and Him.

Happy and fortunate is the man whom God reproves; so do not despise or reject the correction of the almighty [subjecting you to trial and suffering].  For He wounds, but He binds up; He smites, but His hands heal. -Job 5:17-18 (emphasis added)

During trials it’s how our flesh is tempted to react that will reveal what it is that we need to learn – where we need to be stronger.  At the risk of over simplification, what happens if you miss with a hammer and hit your finger?  There’s no faking it, is there?  Whatever came out of me - is what was inside me.

The hammer didn’t put it there;

it simply provided the provocation.

When we are sinned against and our emotions are hurt (like that hammer smashing a finger), what comes out of us?  Admittedly for me, it wasn’t usually the Spirit’s fruit found in Galatians 5:22-23.  Stark contrast to what was released out of Jesus while being executed?

He sets the bar pretty high, doesn’t He? (Rom 8:17, 29, 1 Cor 3:1-3, 2 Cor 1:5, Gal 4:19, 1 Pet 4:12-13)

If there is any event in our history that stands out as looking accidental and not ordered by God, it would be the execution of His own Son.  But in this tribulation for Jesus there was great purpose.  It was part of God’s plan.  Jesus going to the cross shows us the raw power of the Spirit that is available to us as we are being recreated (Eph 2:10).  He demonstrated the crossroads of the humanness in our flesh as it struggles to follow the Spirit.

It’s not that we don’t acknowledge sorrow or suffering; but that we aren’t to walk in it.  When Jesus was in the garden He prayed for another way.  This wasn’t weakness; it was acknowledgement of being fully human.  And as He prayed we see the collision of flesh and spirit, “Father, if You are willing, remove this cup from Me; yet not My will, but [always] Yours be done. -Luke 22:42 (emphasis added).

I love God’s written Word, but with my dominant learning styles being visual and aural, the movie The Passion, allowed me to deeper conceptualize this moment in time from Jesus’ life.  For those having the same learning styles as me, I’ve included the clip of the scene which I referenced from Luke 22.

After seeing what it might have looked for Jesus in His struggle to choose God’s will over His own, I’m able to internalizing what it really means to struggle in the choice of flesh and spirit; it’s not easy is it?  And there is always Satan, bucking for the flesh to win.  He wants us to choose the easy way out.  He begs us through our aching flesh to give-in.  To buckle under the pressure and choose self, instead of standing up to temptation and stomping it out.

And well, here’s the thing.  You know when I said that the pressure from temptation will show where we need to grow?  What comes out of us is our dross that needs to be burned off in the heat.  Jesus was sinless and guiltless - He had no dross to be burned off.

It was mine and it was yours.

This is standing in the gap and laying down your life for your brother, when it isn’t your problem – you are not guilty.  It’s not that God is trying to take away your life by saying the command, “I hate divorce.”  He’s asking you to say what Jesus said, No one takes it away from Me.  On the contrary, I lay it down voluntarily. [I put it from Myself.]  I am authorized and have power to lay it down (to resign it) and I am authorized and have power to take it back again.  These are the instructions (orders) which I have received [as My charge] from My Father. -John 10:18

Jesus said He had the authority and power to not go to the cross – to choose that other way, which He prayed for in the garden.  But He didn’t go His own way, He followed God’s plan:  voluntarily laying down His life.

It was (and is) always in the face of trials, especially in marriage, that I experienced the most tremendous growth.  But I had to believe in God’s sovereignty always and not just when the path before me was to my satisfaction.

 What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters

compared to what lies within us. 

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Trusting the heart of my husband

Practical lessons from the single black arrow:  Submission and Selfless Love.  If you didn’t catch my post about the arrows you can find it here.

Stepping off the deck I surveyed the mist rising on the beams of sun that were poking through the trees.  I breathed deeply, the mix of the fresh water from the river behind us and the musky dampness of the deep forest around us awakened my senses, “What a great day for a walk Rippley!”  Rippley was a friend that I always started my day with!  She was a beautiful brown and white husky that I treasured.  She was a real little lady too, always a pristinely groomed coat and whenever she lay down, her front paws usually crossed.

For many years, Rippley had shared our family’s adventures as well as my struggles through a particular arduous season of my life.  During this time, I had often wept into her soft coat knowing my tears and secrets would be safe.  I could sense a genuineness in her eyes, you go ahead and cry, you will feel better afterwards.”

This morning, as usual, she was waiting at the front gate.  The spark in her eye and the playful sway of her tail indicated her happiness to get started.  As I clasped the shank to her collar, her tail quickened and her excitement grew.  With the click of the gate latch she bolted through, but not before stopping …just at the end of the lead.  How does she know how far to go?  She sure is a clever dog.

That was the last walk I took with Rippley.  She was healthy to the end, but sadly, she stroked that afternoon.  It was severe and she never recovered.  It was hard to grieve her.  She was always so full of life, like a perpetual puppy.  I had overlooked that she was aging, so I hadn’t prepared myself and I missed her.  Animal lovers know that pets come and go, but every once in a while there is one that just gets lodged in your heart.  Rippley was one of those pets.

Weeks passed, and every couple of days Darrell, my husband, would probe, “I saw some puppies for sale, what do you think?”  My response was always the same, “No, I’m just not ready.”  He continued to ask over the next few weeks, and I started to get irritated, “Rippley was special to me, she was my dog and I’m going to grieve her in my own way, not your way, OK.  I’ll let you know when, if ever, I want to get another dog.  Please stop pushing me!”

We are both dog people, and this wouldn’t do for Darrell.  He pressed on, “Robyn, we grieve people but we replace pets.  I loved Rippley too and I miss her, but I think another dog could fill that void for you, and help you get over her.”

That did it.  I didn’t want to get over her.  And knowing I couldn’t have her back only served to top off my grief with anger.  I turned on my heel and marched towards the house, muttering to myself, you’re going to push me?  Fine.  I’ll find the most expensive little dog I can find.  Yes, my immaturity was beginning to show.  Indeed, I was responding from pain and this can never be good.  But sometimes there are deeper lessons going on than what appears to be the issue.  I had decided to look for an expensive dog because I knew Darrell didn’t like to spend too much on pets and little because, what man likes small dogs, Right?  (well some do, but I knew mine didn’t)

It was my last ditch effort to not get another dog.

Darrell had come in from the shop (we were operating a business on our property) and it was time for lunch.  As soon as he stepped through the door, I spun around on the office chair and pointed to the dog I had just found, “I want that dog right there!”  He approached the computer and eagerly looked over my shoulder, “Hmmm, a Shih Tzu, OK, let’s call and see if there is one available and we‘ll swing by the bank on the way.”

Uh-oh that was not the response I was looking for.  Reluctantly, I called and found out the address.

“There is one left; it’s a male.  I don’t know if I want a male dog.”  Darrell didn‘t give me much time to think about it though, “Well, let’s go take a look anyway.”

It was a forty-five minute drive from our home to where this puppy was, and it was starting to snow.  Great I thought.  We piled into the car, the kids and dad full of excitement.

I entertained them with a few names that I thought they might like.  But really, I was trying to get them to begin ownership of this puppy, because I still, really did not want another dog.  So the whole time we were driving there I was hardening my heart towards this little puppy.

I felt like my feelings were being ignored and I was being forced – I didn‘t like it.

We pulled into the laneway and Darrell put $500 in my hand.  Why is this so hard?  I thought to myself.  Hesitatingly, I made my way to the door and as I reached to press the doorbell the outdoor light illuminated.  The woman had a little bundle in her arms that she cradled like a baby, as she leaned out to push open the door and welcome me in, the wind caught a corner of the blanket revealing this little mass of black.  Then, as if right on cue, his little black head flopped over and he was looking at me from upside down, right into my eyes, it seemed.

In a flash, all the hardness of not wanting him melted away.  She placed him in my arms, and like there had been a secret bond already established between him and my husband, this little guy struggled to climb up my chest and nuzzled into the nape of my neck, “just give me a chance.”

The lady broke into this private humbling of mine,

“So what do you think? — all of the other pups were snatched up right away, no one seems to want this little guy though, they say they don’t like the mix of black and brown on him.”

It is surprising how fast ownership happens.  Before I knew it the words retorted out of my mouth, “What’s wrong with his colour, I think he‘s really cute.”  With those words, I handed over the cash and with both hands held him up to look at him, “Hey Rocky, welcome to the Gibson family!”  The lady smiled, she knew immediately, “Rocky, as in Balboa — that’s awesome?”

But the final lesson came for me the following winter.  Darrell always uses the snow blower to build a mountain of snow in the backyard for the kids.  Rocky was outside in the backyard and as I passed by the window I peeked outside to make sure he was ok.  He had dug a hole in the side of the mountain of snow and was curled up in a little ball.  He must be cold, I thought.  But all he did when I opened up the door to call him in, was look at me and then he nestled back into the hole, just like Rippley used to do.

Darrell had been right.

It was this experience that taught me to trust the heart of my husband.  When I was hurting and not thinking clearly from emotions, he knew what I needed but I hadn’t given him the benefit of the doubt, I had believed the worst in him and not the best.  It was a bittersweet lesson, but well worth it.

 

Love (God’s love in us)

does not insist on its own rights or its own way

for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful

Love bears up under

anything and everything that comes

is ever ready to believe the best of every person

(1 Corinthians 13:5,7)

His holes – her pain

Sometimes things don’t work the way you expect.

Getting married is like purchasing an umbrella.  We don’t actually open the umbrella in the store to see if it works, we assume that when it rains, we’ll be able to depend on it.

Our love, like an umbrella, should cover each other.  But in the rainstorm of conflict we reveal the holes in our love.  We can’t see the holes, we feel the result of the rain coming through them and we get wet.  Who can see the holes?  Of course, God can, but so can Satan.  He’s watched me grow and knows where all my wounds are and where I am most vulnerable.

I hold my love over my husband.  It is an imperfect love, at best.  I don’t want to love imperfectly, but I can’t help it.  All hearts have been wounded:  by parents, siblings, family, unkind teachers, unfair co-workers – hearts ravaged from this imperfect world.

Brokenness, short sightedness, impatience, woundedness, selfishness … deficiencies.

 Holes

During sunny days we don’t notice or feel the holes.  But eventually there will be a rainstorm … again.  I try and hold my umbrella over my husband, but those holes keep letting the rain pelt on him.  I need his forgiveness.

 He gets wet through my deficiencies.  I get wet through his.

With the tables turned, I’m drenched.  I can choose to focus on being wet - my flesh being hurt and irritated … self.  Or, I can choose to forgive.  Satan prompts me to seek self.  He wants me to feel the wet, believing my husband has ripped away his umbrella.  Satan rains on me through my husband’s holes.

In an effort to hide their motive a predator  will distract focus. To blame my husband’s holes proves I have been successfully blinded to my real enemy.

 

Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass … it’s about learning how to dance in the rain! ~ Vivian Greene

 

Pulling down strongholds

　Artist – Shannon Christensen

We wives have the most intimate view of our husband’s weaknesses; their strongholds.  We are the ones with the power to help or to hobble them.  Husbands know this; and they know we know it.  This knowledge is what gives us power.  But if I hobble instead of help, this will just reinforce the stronghold making the power work against the both of us.

Do the actions in my marriage help my man to pull down his strongholds; or do they just pull him down?

A Wife Who Hobbles

• Holds grudges from mentally keeping score of wrongs
• Focuses on all the differences between them
• See’s herself as the only victim
• Has no humility, which is demonstrated in lack of love, the need to be right and self vindication

A Wife Who Helps

• Accepts him as a man and doesn’t try to change him
• Strives for unity and focuses on things that are common (things they agree on)
• Seeks peace and is not easily offended
• Focuses on her own weaknesses and not his

For further reading on hobbling or helping click here.

 

 You don’t marry one person; you marry three:

the person you think they are; the person they are;

and the person they are going to become as a result of being married to you.

~ Richard Needham ~

 

 

How would my husband describe me?

 

Same God = Same Grace

Hideous sickness is not just on the flesh.  I would venture to say that the most putrefying sores are found within us … in our hearts.

A rotting heart is proved in me when I see my own condition as cleaner than that of my husband; or not as deadly as his.  And when I am too blind to the fact that I am also infected by the same virus and can’t see that my symptoms are just different than his.

 “Oh Lord, let me forgive those who sin differently than I do.”

~Steven Covey~

Should I run from my husband’s illness because his problems interfere with my life?  Should I run from my marriage because his choices directly affect me for better and for worse?  Should I run from my commitments because things have changed and he makes my life, at certain seasons, difficult and even painful?

Or, would my own healing be found in a mental shift; a paradigm shift.  What makes me think that God is giving me the right to be the one who gets to throw the first stone?

Shouldn’t we wait patiently, while the Lord works to heal illness in a brother … just like God is patient while Jesus heals us?

Or is there more grace for me than for my brother?

superhuman vs human

You only get the superhuman power of God if you adhere to and trust in and rely on it by sticking it out.

If you are going to give up on marriage because of trials, afflictions and difficulties then you don’t really need any “superhuman” power, do you?  You just simply give up and walk away, in … “normal”  human power.

And we also [especially] thank God continually for this, that when you received the message of God [which you heard] from us, you welcomed it not as the word of [mere] men, but as it truly is, the Word of God, which is effectually at work in you who believe [exercising its superhuman power in those who adhere to and trust in and rely on it]. (1 Thess 2:13)

That no one [of you] should be disturbed and beguiled and led astray by these afflictions and difficulties [to which I have referred]. For you yourselves know that this is [unavoidable in our position, and must be recognized as] our appointed lot. (1 Thess 3:3)

Surely in our age of reason, information and knowledge, we cannot be tricked into thinking that when God speaks of:   afflictions, difficulties, pain, suffering, hurt, trials, tests and temptations, that He means that, they are going to happen in ALL areas of life and relationships … except marriage?

The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity.  The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

~ Winston Churchill ~