Marriage is the single most challenging adventure of all the earthly experiences. It is the most significant institution we will ever join. And it is the relationship with the most consequential and far reaching effects in our lives. Yet there are no courses on how to choose a spouse. There is no graduate department in spouse selection studies. Institutions of higher learning devote more resources to semiotics than love. Yet anyone can get a marriage license with zero training or preparation. Almost no one is foolish enough to imagine that he automatically deserves great success in any field of activity; yet almost everyone believes that he automatically deserves success in marriage.
So… why do we get married?
Is it because of some innate fear of not wanting to be alone? Or is it because, its just what’s always been done; you know, your born and you grow up, go to school, fall in love, then get married and have kids.
You know, its interesting. I cannot find anywhere in the Bible where God speaks of falling in love. And yet the Bible is full of love talk isn’t it? Why do we say, I fell in love. The word itself, falling … has a sense of non-ownership of responsibility and commitment. If the marriage goes ugly you can always convince yourself that while you were falling in love, you fell for the wrong person. We humans do that. Right from the beginning of our history, in the garden, when God looked to Adam for culpability of his actions. Adam blamed God and Eve, The woman YOU gave me did it. And then with Eve, she tried to pass the buck too, by saying it was the snakes fault. It seems none of us want to take responsibility for our actions do we.
The best description I’ve ever heard as to why people get married is from the movie, Shall We Dance, “we need a witness to our lives. There’s a billion people on the planet. I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you’re promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things .. All of it, all the time, every day. You’re saying, ‘your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness.’ “ And although that might be a beautiful sentiment and a worthy declaration, I don’t believe that is entirely what God had in mind when He established marriage.
When the first marriage was officiated in Eden, it was an act of purpose. There was a reason for it. The voice that breathed all life into existence now united a team. It is interesting to note that God could have created Adam and Eve at the same time, but He didn’t. He chose to create man to be alone. God doesn’t say, “uh-oh, Adam is alone — didn’t see that one coming, I thought for sure one of these other creatures would suffice.” No, there was a reason for Adam being created alone, in a vacuum of sorts. God is omniscient, He knew that when He brought all the creatures to Adam, “to see what he would call them … that there would not be a suitable companion for him.” (Gen 2:19-20) God could have just as easily told Adam the reason, but He didn’t. He wanted Adam to go through the motions, in real time, to experience this aloneness for himself. And we can see that Adam did experience this because of his response to Eve when he meets her, he declares, “Finally! Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh!” There was a sense of assuredness in his tone. I think it would be like being alone in a foreign land where you don’t know the language, and no one knows yours. And then! After a long period of aloneness, you finally meet someone who knows English. Finally!! Now here is someone I can talk to!
They were supposed to see that they needed each other, that they had to depend on each other … not blame each other.
~ Holding fast … ON PURPOSE ~
~When we first meet our future husbands, we usually have that ah ha moment, finally! This IS the guy!
Don’t look at what happened yesterday or anything else that’s negative that’s happened between the two of you …
…just reminise about that very first time you KNEW~
~Do you remember your promise to him?
And your vow to HIM?
Copy out your wedding vows and ask God to renew your heart about the promises that you spoke~