When we wake up on our wedding day we don’t have irritation in our heart nor do we have hopelessness. “well, I guess he’s better than being alone.” or “I’m not too sure about that little habit of his, that better not get any worse.” or “he better treat me right or else” or “well, I’ll give it my best shot … and see what happens.”
Nooo, we wake up full of hope and expectation for a beautiful day and future with the man of our dreams! The day is perfect! A magnificent day for a wedding! We love him so much! Everything about him! The way he does this little thing and that little thing. We are so excited for all the extended family to finally meet him. We go over all of our last minute details with enthusiasm and excitement. All of the planning that we’ve carefully done over the last year will make our wedding day a momentous occasion! It will be perfect, just as we are perfect together.
The day was a blurrr of excitement and elation and almost everything came off without a hitch! The caterer was true to his word, all of our guests were thrilled with the quantity of food and even more so with the freshness and quality. The flowers were just what the florist promised. The DJ pulled off the perfect blend of music for all the different styles of our guests; and even that ice cream cake managed to hold its own in the July heat. Then, we were swept off to our exotic destination … just the two of us! Life couldn’t get much sweeter!
During this beginning season of our marriage life holds such high hopes of promise.
Then something happens. It happens ever so subtly and quietly. Something creeps in. We didn’t expect it; and we certainly didn’t plan for it.
But somewhere between “The Wedding” and “The Life of the Marriage,” there has been a shift. We woke up on our wedding day completely assured that the two of us could conquer anything and that we would grow old together. But within a few short years we find that we have entered into an un-assuredness and begin to feel a little suspicious that our fairytale wedding day isn’t delivering everything to our marriage that it promised to.
Then slowly but surely, as our expectations are dashed – one by one, this slow creep causes the shift to be more prevalent, and our marriage starts to get hard … along with our hearts. We start to wonder why did I ever marry this person in the first place? What was I thinking?
The problem, I have found, is that we think that our marriage is going to be like our wedding day. No one tells us how down right hard it is going to be; or they do tell us and we fail to believe them. We start with a fairytale beginning, our wedding; and believe that its going to be, “happily ever after” for the rest of our lives. When in reality, a marriage is nothing like a wedding day. And why should it be? Logically speaking, how long did it take to plan our one wedding day? Most are planned for a year, or more. For everything to fall into place perfectly on one day. Lots and lots of hard work, planning and compromising with each other went into that one day. How do we miss that? That a marriage is not just going to magically happen; when even our magical wedding day didn’t magically happen.
Oh there are times of euphoric pleasure, to be sure. But it’s the ugly part that we have a hard time walking through. You know what I mean when I say, “ugly” don’t you? The defensiveness and the criticism and the stonewalling and the contempt; and any other little colourful snapping turtles that shoot off of these.
Its at these agonizingly painful moments that we start to wonder, “why did I even get married in the first place and why to this guy?”
You know, this question of marriage is one we don’t really stop to ask ourselves; at least I didn’t. What does marriage mean … to me?
~ Holding fast … ON PURPOSE ~
What was the date of your wedding? ~ Get out that video or that wedding album.
Allow yourself to disappear back to that day as you ponder each frame or picture.